Edward's Reactions
by BlackWolf2Dragoon
Summary: A series of drabbles on Edward's reactions and rants on particular 'stuff' he finds irritating or plain stupid, be it past, present or future. Accepting requests!
1. Ishbal or Ishval?

Should I bother a hi, FMA fans? xD no, of course not.

This is a short collection of drabbles that may or may not be hilarious or even funny. I was bored when I came up with this and thought I should share it to the world whether they care or not. If you don't, go away, thank you ^^.

I am taking requests for this! It can be Edward's reaction to just about absolutely **ANYTHING. **Be it in the past, present (today, I mean) or future that doesn't even exist yet but you'd like to see used anyway. Bear in mind that I have to LIKE the idea before I bother with anything, but you are free to request or suggest anything you'd think would be hilarious for Edward to react towards and I will do my best to keep it as in character as I possibly can! It can be an object, an idea, absolutely anything that he can rant about or take action against or for! It can also include any FMA character you want, should one have to become involved. If you don't understand, review or PM me and I will get back to you ASAP!

So here is the first one, to start us off. I hope you like it. I just noticed that nobody spells Ishbal the same, you see it spelt in so many different ways! The anime says it differently most times as well and even the manga, yes the** MANGA **spells it differently each time. I had to take notice of this, I hope this is good enough!

**Summary: Ed, because of a punishment of wrecking some buildings again, isn't impressed when he sees what he calls a 'horrid report' and gets Mustang on the case.**

Note: Please ignore the question marks that don't appear when they are MEANT to appear and the title not appearing underlined, fanfiction gets hungry and eats it. Greedy bastard.

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Ishbal… or Ishval?

"Hey, bastard" A sigh replied back, a black head looking up from his desk of never sending paper work.

"What is it, Fullmetal?" Roy Mustang was rather tired of the constant questions and name calling from his subordinate this evening, Hawkeye had been cruel that morning, forcing more paperwork upon the unfortunate Brigadier General. He should've known he shouldn't have drunk so much yesterday, but he never learnt his lesson.

"I've got a question." Edward Elric looked over at the General from his seat. Because of his usual antics of blowing up buildings every time a rogue alchemist or chimera or anything he happens to come across and fight him. For punishment, Hawkeye had forced Ed to help the Brigadier General with his paperwork and also, quote "to help you get along better, I'm sick of cleaning the room every time you bring in a report."

"Is it something actually related to work? In case you haven't noticed, pipsqueak," This brought the fountain pen Edward had been working with heading for his head, which he ducked in the nick of time, the fountain pen now stuck into the wall behind him. Ignoring that for the moment, he continued. "Like I was saying, brat, is that I haven't got time to answer trivial questions."

"Fuck you, you bastard!" That was Edward's usual response; it hardly affected the General now.

"It's _General Bastard, _if you please." Roy smirked as he saw the agitated young soldier roll his eyes, muttering a quiet, "still a wanker,(1)" under his breath. "What did you want to ask?"

Regaining his posture, standing straight, trying to undermine Roy, having no success but amusing the General once again, before getting right to his desk, putting down a report he had grabbed to read and sign so Mustang could himself read the report.

"Have you seen this report? Look, he can't even spell! First he says 'Ishbal', then he writes it 'Ishval' and goes right back to 'Ishbal' changing how he spells it all the time. Is it that hard to write the damn name!" Edward ranted, although he had to admit ranting about somebody's report when his were never that much better made him feel like a hypocrite, but he didn't give a shit. "He even says here 'those dudes that have those freakish red eyes' what kind of team are you running, General Bastard? Even I write better then that!"

Roy's eyebrows rose at that last sentence. "Oh really? You really believe that?" Edward nodded, though it was futile, he knew Mustang was just going to make him feel a right prat. "Well then, let's have a look at one of the first reports you handed to me." Roy got up from his seat, reaching into one of the drawers behind him for Fullmetal's report. "Here we go, the incident back in Lior when you went to unmask that prophet."

Fullmetal's face scrunched up; confused. "Why do you still have that report? I thought you gave it in?"

Roy shrugged, getting back into his seat. He opened the report to get to where Ed had filled in the report in his own colourful language. "Here we go. Now this is the one you gave me." Mustang brought it up so Edward couldn't read it. "_Took fucking days to reach a freaking tiny village, with Al always falling in the sand, getting full of it, stupid armour got me chasing him to safety to a village Lior which was filled with fucking religious fanatics who wanted me to worship their so called 'Sun God', whatever the fuck he is. Even said he'd make me taller, bastards the lot of them."_

Ed gave out a nervous chuckle. "Ok, ok I get it."

But Mustang didn't listen. "_Figure the prophet Corn whatever the motherfucker's name is was just a con man using alchemy and ignoring the laws like it was some hoccus poccus bullshit, which the religious fanatics thought was a bloody miracle work by their weird god. Corner him, he just unleashes some massive lion-lizard cross chimera at me, he didn't last long, before turning a bird into some giant Godzilla parrot or something."_

Ed's fists started to shake. "Mustang." His voice was commanding, but his commander was paying no attention.

"_Stuff happens, stuff happens and being a genius that I am, I exposed the faker, cut the whole religious bullshit into miracles that there are no such things, otherwise I wouldn't be sporting a damn metal arm and leg that are real pain in the asses, only to have some girl, Rose, was pointing some gun at me, me! I put her straight to her senses, I'm sure she'll get over it, no philosopher's stone, Colonel bastard lied or got his facts wrong, like that ever surprises me, so back to the drawing board. _You actually thought the Fuhrer would take this seriously?" Roy mused; a chuckle was forced out, though he tried to hold it back.

"Bastard, stop pissing about!"

"I was merely pointing out that you had flaws too, you should really be thanking me. I did, after all, completely rewrite this report so it was legible for the Fuhrer to read and be satisfied."

Edward wasn't sure if he should actually feel grateful or not. Mustang was a manipulative bastard when he wanted to be, but he did save their heads from being shot at in the execution. Ed didn't bother an apology, he didn't do apologizing to those who were arseholes, like Mustang himself, and went back to the report. Until he spotted a map and blueprints about Ishbal (Ishval, whatever).

"Bastard, you can't even get your maps right." Surprised, Roy Mustang looked up to see what the young alchemist meant, to see a map and blueprints being held up. "This map says Ishbal, these blueprints say Ishval and it has the signature 'Mustang' on it." The only reaction Roy gave was a slight surprised look before he shrugged.

"Even legends like myself get things wrong."

"That's not the first time, arsehole."

"May not be the last, Fullmetal." With that final note, both alchemists took to ignoring each other once again and continued with their paperwork, until Hawkeye, a little disgruntled at the fact there was a fountain pen stuck into the wall like a dart, sent Edward home for the night and excused Roy later that night.

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Well, my sister just chuckled a bit in reaction to reading this... that isn't encouraging. I'd love reviews, this is something I'm doing completely out of pleasure so ignore the typos please, they hardly matter in drabbles ^^;

Got an idea or question? Feel free to ask in a review!  
~Blackie

(1) I laughed SO FUCKING HARD when an American asked me "What does wanker mean?" I couldn't tell you how hilarious that was! Not because it was unbelievable no but because of what it does ACTUALLY mean. If you don't know what it means, go to urban dictionary (google it) and type in 'wanker' You'll get a COLOURFUL answer ;3


	2. A Wasted Roy

Didn't get too much attention, ah well, suppose the fandom of FMA is quiet. =P

This particular chapter was requested by Lanny-Sama, she wanted to see a wasted Roy and Edward handling him, here you go! Besides, wasted people are always hilarious in some way or another. I included Alphonse because it seemed better that way, a more "true FMA style humour", a lot of people seem to either kill him off or forget about him, at least the area of FMA I hang around at. xD

I'm still accepting requests if you have any, it can be of anything at all for Edward to react over! Be it past, present or even future stuff that doesn't exist, mythology, history, real world stuff that doesn't happen in FMA, anything in FMA, anything in the world! Go ahead, don't be shy ;3

Quite a lot of swearing in this chapter, so be alert for that! There might be seen as slight RoyEd if you squint, I didn't intend for it to be that way, it's more ParentalRoyEd more then anything. I do love me some RoyEd though. If you disagree I couldn't care less. xP

**Summary: On the fifth anniversary of Maes Hughes' death, his best friend drowns himself in sorrows with a pipsqueak and younger brother to help his drunk arse home. Mayhaps ParentalRoyEd**

Disclaimer~ Figured out who wrote it, Hiromu Arakawa, sorry I forgot his/her name.

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A Wasted Roy

"Damnit, Bastard, don't do that!" The usually quiet street at the time of 01:43am was shockingly louder then its usual silent nights at the night of July the fifteenth 1911 (1), the fifth anniversary of Lieutenant Colonel Maes Hughes' death, or should that be, Brigadier General Maes Hughes. His death brought his rank up, twice, but that was of little comfort to his family and friends who appeared to his funeral. Though honoured with the appearance of majority of the Amestrian Military, it was anything but an honourable moment. A memorable moment, for all the wrong reasons, perhaps, but never honourable, though that man was the definition of the word.

That night, the fifth anniversary of the honourable man, his best friend found himself at the same bar, the same bar where they had their last face to face talk before his death. Hawkeye anticipated that Roy Mustang would drink himself into oblivion; that is if Madame Christmas would let him. She was almost like a foster mother to the Brigadier General, but she couldn't very well say "stop drinking completely, you'll blow your livers up," what would become of her bar if its best customer was to be chased away?

To tackle that problem, Hawkeye asked (well, asked was a looser word to what we could really use, 'forced at point blank range' would be a better description) the Fullmetal Alchemist to keep Roy in check. Knowing the Brigadier General, he would get run over by a car in his drunken state. _Now wouldn't that be a fitting end for the Flame Alchemist, _Edward pondered, seriously considering just that.

Currently, he was in a big predicament. Given that he was… _vertically challenged, _it was hard enough to carry tall things without difficulty, having the Brigadier General leaning on him like he were some table, the elbow on his _head, _no less, was a tough job on his restraint. Roy wasn't trying to humiliate him, _oh fuck that, yes he is, he always is! _Edward reasoned, but he couldn't very well push Mustang off without harming him, then he'd get shot by Hawkeye for letting that happen. Or hit by the blunt end of a gun, nevertheless, either option was painful.

"_Mustang_." Ed's voice was dangerously wavering. It didn't help that Alphonse wasn't helping, _at all. _The little bugger was just laughing in the background at Ed's unfortunately predicament concerning Roy. At first, Alphonse was quiet, "he doesn't look so good, brother, do you think he could drown in all that alcohol?" then a later, "Brother, I think I sometimes prefer Roy drunk, he's so much calmer." Now it's more like, "the look on your face, brother! It's priceless!" followed by an endless chain of childish laughter.

Roy didn't reply, or even give any indication whatsoever that he had heard the pipsqueak. After a minute, Roy turned to look at Ed, a drunken smile on his face. "Nghuh?" _Well, his intelligence whilst drunk surely doesn't rise anymore then whilst sober, that's for sure. _At least that confirmed something, Edward noted. Then Mustang proceeded to hug Edward, snuggling his face into the crook of his neck, yawning, "Think I'm wasted… sleep it off… 'ight." It was just barely legible, half of the Brigadier General's face in hair, the other half in skin, but Edward heard it loud and clear.

"What the… bastard, get off me!" Edward did not tolerate touching. Especially cuddling. If Mustang wasn't drunk, he'd have been murdered _long _before now, it shouldn't have gone on for so long! He was barely holding his reigns as it is.

Alphonse was laughing, harder than before. "He's so cute! Brother, can we take him home?"

"WHAAT? Alphonse, he's not a PET!" _He could probably pass as one, stupid dog, _Edward added mentally, not daring to face his younger brothers' scolds if he should let it slip. With no warning at all, Roy veered towards the left, falling away from Edward's grip and onto the pavement. He let out a small complaint of "feel gross, blurgh," before he rubbed his face several times, as if to wake himself up.

"Brother, do you think the Brigadier General is going to be ok at home?" Alphonse, ever the one to worry whether it concerned him or not.

Edward had to smile whilst looking at his younger brother, the more considerate of the two. "Don't worry; I'm sure the bastard can manage to take care of himself once he gets home. Have a heck of a blast inside his head though. At least, that's what Hawkeye said." Edward shrugged, he had never drank alcohol yet, he wasn't sure he wanted to after seeing Mustang's display.

Alphonse swung slightly, standing in the same place whilst doing so, the two waiting for the fallen soldier to recover slightly. "Brother, how do you think I'll act when I'm drunk?"

Edward flushed slightly, he really didn't know, nor did he want to know. He recalled something Havoc had done whilst he was completely wasted, according to Breda, Havoc sometimes sang nursery rhymes, alternating tunes and rhythm so it either turned out damn good or painstakingly awful. What would Alphonse do? Hallucinate and see millions upon millions of kittens all over the place? That was the most likely thing, but he dare not tell his brother that.

"Let's not find out, alright?"

Alphonse wasn't' exactly satisfied, but he shook it off. "Brother?"

"Yes, Al?"

"Will we have to send Roy to hospital if this carries on?"

Edward tilted his head. "How do you mean?"

Alphonse sweat dropped. "Well, Hawkeye said something about his liver blowing up if he-"

Edward waved frantically. "She didn't mean _literally!_" Ed sighed as Al did the "ohhh" face. His younger brother still had much to learn about the world. "Maybe counselling, but-"

"No." the duo turned to see Roy looking at them, more determined, looking more like the real Roy Mustang who was hiding behind his drunken posture. "Last thing I need is a record on being a complete nutter, nothing stands in the way of me becoming Fuhrer."

Ed rolled his eyes, tsking. "You keep at yelling that to the whole world and Hawkeye won't be the one painting the wall with your brains."

"Brother!" Al scolded his brother once again. Ed just shrugged, looking at his brother, before turning his attention to a struggling Mustang.

Roy stood, having a tad bit of trouble, but no more then so. "Be that as it may, _Fullmetal," _there was an extra bit of accusation in his voice to the name, "Hughes has made me even more determined to do what I must, and I won't let his dying wish die too." That signalled its finality, there was no turning back. He knew the road ahead would be a tough one, but he would never let his best friend down. Ed had to respect that, one of the only things he could really respect about the man that tormented him so. "He only does it because you react funny, brother." Alphonse had told him, but that didn't make it any ok for him to do it.

With that, the trio walked on, well the duo walked whilst the third stumbled, then decidedly leaned once again on Fullmetal, despite his protests.

"Oh, by the way."

"What is it now, ya big baby?"

"Ever taught how to ride a Mustang?"

"MUSTANG!"

Then the air filled with Alphonse's laughter as the two continued to banter, just like they always did.

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Blah, this was more sad then funny. A poor attempt at humour, I must admit. Sorry about that. Give us a review or some loving!

~Blackie

P.s. No I won't teach anyone how to ride a Mustang.

(1) I've looked, the interwebz says nothing about Maes' time of death, nudda, zilch. I didn't feel like looking on youtube for the date written on his grave. If anyone knows the date, let me know and I might change it ;3


	3. An Awkward Lift Ride

Ok, one that doesn't include Roy so much. I can't help including him, he's my favourite character through the whole series! xD

This one was requested by GreyFitti, she wanted an awkward lift ride, well this is what I came up with, I hope it's good enough!

**Summary: Edward is on his way to the library to research alchemy, as per usual, but uses a newly installed lift to escape. It doesn't work out so well.**

**Warnings: Cursings and a big awkward moment. No shit.**

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An Awkward Lift (Elevator) Ride

Edward really was sick of the military already. _Do this, do that, please mind my mountains of paperwork that stand taller then you. _Not to mention the people within the military.

Mustang, with his mocking tone and teases of his height.

Havoc blowing cigarettes into peoples' faces that you can't breathe and gives them cancer.

Falman with his ever dictionary mind, correcting you on _everything_ and giving a full explanation even when not wanted.

Breda always being so freely and joking like then panics around when Black Hayate comes to bug the fuck out of him.

Fuery picking up strays and being forced to take them back, like a long lost brother of Alphonse or something.

The only reasonable one was Hawkeye, until she pulled the gun in your face with eyes evermore emotionless but still scolding nevertheless.

Right now, Edward had to take to the library to research on some theory about maybe, just_ maybe, _he'll be able to find a way to separate a chimera's body and bring them back to normal without killing them both. He was, after all, a complete genius, and only he would be able to pull it off. If he could pick both the DNA's and separate them slowly, making sure not to lose a single strand, using alchemy, he was sure he could bring them back to normal. He wasn't sure, but he was willing to research to avenge Nina.

The lift (1) was a new feat at Eastern Command, only Central had one earlier, but because of Roy's laziness, one was brought in. The only bad thing was the added music (no, Roy had not asked for that to be included in the lift) that really just grated one's nerves.

Edward sighed, he could take the stairs, but he was on the top floor and he really didn't want to run into Alex Louise Armstrong, or Maes Hughes, for that matter. _Safer to use the lift, they never would, at least Armstrong wouldn't. _

Pushing the button, Edward swung slightly and impatiently for the lift to arrive. The light _ping _announced its arrival, opening its doors to reveal Maes Hughes. _Perfect, there goes my escape plan. _

"Hey, Edo!" As cheerily annoying as ever, Hughes announced his presence with a raised arm and a picture of his wife and daughter at the ready.

"Hey Maes, sorry, can't talk, paperwork!" A quick plan, running in the lift and pressing the button to close the doors in a mad frenzy. The lift just refused to close the doors. _Fuck. _

"Oh, well that's ok, I got a new picture to show Roy Boy!" Regardless of Ed's obvious attempt of escaping the picture and the endless boasting of his family. Hughes brought out a new picture, Elicia trying in vain to read a picture book. "Isn't she just ador-!" Luck would have it, the lift decided to spare Ed the brag. _Thank you, Gate! _

With a sigh of relief, Edward leaned back against the wall, after having chosen the ground floor of Eastern Command. Only the lift stopped at floor two.(2) _What the fuck?_

Unlucky for him, Havoc entered the lift to head to the ground floor. Having noticed Edward with all that paperwork, he gave him a slight sorry smile. More like a "gutted"(3) smile.

"Hey chief, working hard?" Havoc shoved a hand in his pocket, searching for something.

Ed nodded with a slight smile. "Yeah, General gave some research, you know him saying I'm just always the best at this kinda thing."

Havoc chuckled slightly, bringing out a fag (4) and a lighter, ready to light his cig.

Ed's eyes widened slightly. Looking up, it was blatantly obvious that this lift did not tolerate any kind of smoke. A fire alarm and sprinkler were included in this lift.

"Uh, Havoc I wouldn't do that."

Jean looked up, confused. "Huh? But I just want a fag."

"Can't it wait until outside? Really? Please?"

"Oh… ok." Still confused, but trusting his chief to know what he was talking about. Problem, he hadn't had a fag in about three hours. He was desperate for one!

The constant inane music of Friday (5) rung through the small speaker of the lift. It was driving Ed and Havoc to near insanity. Why she thought would anyone care to listen to her robot voice about her Friday, the world would never know. If there was a definition for awkward, it would be this. Inane music playing with a smoke addict on the verge of breaking the doors down to get his fag and an easily irritated young man who had the tendency to snap if you so much looked at him wrong.

This wasn't awkward at all.

"I can't take it anymore! I've gotta have one, now!" Havoc broke first. Bringing out his cig furiously and lighting it faster than Ed could react.

"No, Havoc don't-!" It was already too late.

"Ahh, that's better." Jean sighed, content. Until the alarm went off. Then Jean pulled a confused face. "What did I do?" Edward didn't answer, quickly putting the files inside his uniform jacket and covered his head with his arms, a second before the sprinklers turned on, dousing them both in water. Jean only managed to eep an "Oh my Gate!" before his fag was too soggy to be of any use. He was ready to cry.

Edward, on the other hand, was furious, to the point of appearing just merely bothered. The dangerous kind of anger. Today was not his day at all.

To make it worse, the lift pinged its arrival, opening to the ground floor of people staring, wondering how they got wet in a lift, of all things.

"Shut up." Was all Ed said before he stormed off to get changed and hope the day turns out better.

* * *

It could've been worse I suppose. This is what you get, deal with it xD

Footnotes:

(1) Lift - British word for Elevator. I hate that word so much.

(2) I'm not sure if America is different, but the ground floor is the first floor where I live and the first is the second floor.

(3) Gutted - British slang meaning "sucks to be you".

(4) Fag - British slang for a cigarette. I'm aware in America, it means a homosexual. It's kinda driven here, but don't get them mixed up, it's insulting here.

(5) Friday by Rebecca Black. If you have never heard of this, please avoid it at all costs. It's fucking horrible.


	4. Las Vegas M rated! Link inside

Hey dudes, new chapter!

Only you're thinking "WHERE IS IT? I DON'T SEE IT!" It's not here because it isn't appropriate for the rating given to this fanfic, so I've posted it somewhere else so this won't get turned into an M fic. It doesn't have sex in it and it's only this one chapter, it's a shame to change it to M because ONE chapter is M rated and doesn't even have sex in it. Pointless! So, I posted it on livejournal and you are free to read it there :D

Author's note on the chapter are there, but I'll bring the summary and warnings here so you know what to expect.

**Summary: Roy, bored and needing a break, takes his whole team out to a town known as Spielen** (translate gamble) **as a little treat and a break for himself and his team. Edward isn't amused when Alphonse is dragged to the paradise of man whores. He makes that known.**

**WARNINGS: Nudity (top half only), gambling, language.**

Link: totallyspazztic (dot) livejournal (dot) com (slash) 4106 (dot) html

Remove the gaps and replace the dots and slashes with real dots and slashes (aka . and /)

You are free to review or comment either here or on livejournal, I don't mind :D anywhere'll do! Thanks!  
~Blackie


	5. Height Restrictions

Hello again! Some of you are probably going "I COULD SEE THIS COMING, YES!" but whether this is predictable or not, here we go!

This came to mind today when my friend, Charlie, and I were having a good ol' lunch and chat. We came to the topic of amusement parks, which came to the height restrictions, to which I burst out;

"Wait! The height restrictions are 5'3 or something, aren't they?"

"I'm not sure, something like that."

"Edward is only 5'0."

"..."

And thus this was born :D I do hope you enjoy it!

Little notice for a person who gave me a request, don't worry! I haven't forgotten, I just knew where this was going and put this one up first. The next one will be your request, don't worry! xD

**Summary: Edward is sent to see some alchemist who wants to know more about the State, but Alphonse comes across an amusement park and begs his brother to go. He does so and enjoys a good time, until they try to get a ride in a roller coaster.**

**Warnings: Language. That's it, I think.  
**

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Height Restrictions

They were meant to be on their way to a mission along the southeast of Amestris, not too far from Eastern Command, their current base of command. They were meant to be checking rumours about an alchemist who had considered becoming a State Alchemist. Their commander, Colonel Roy Mustang, was too lazy to bother going all that way (which was thirty miles), something about; "the paperwork stack is high enough already, my poor hand will be useless if it grows much higher, with no hand I can't perform alchemy. That would be a mighty tragedy, wouldn't it?" So he sent his second best State Alchemist for the job, and a probably less scary one then the best one, Edward Elric. His brother, Alphonse Elric, was joining him, always by choice. Who knows, they might find the Philosophers Stone or hear a rumour along the way.

"Oh, brother! Come see!"

This was not what Edward had in mind. In front of him stood Amestris World, well known for its theme park rides and huge size. Xing apparently already had one, but the desert made it a trek for anyone to bother trying to get there. What Alphonse pointed to was the giant rollercoasters and they were fucking huge. That's not what bothered Edward, not really.

"Al! We're meant to be seeing this alchemist guy! We can't waste time or the bastard will rat my arse out!"

But Al had never been to an amusement park before. He always wanted to, just him, his brother and their mother. "But brother… please?"

Ed sighed heavily. He could never deny his brother anything with that voice. "Okay fine! Here," Taking out his purse, Ed handed Alphonse fifty sens (1) before looking for a phone box, which wasn't very far. "You go buy a couple of tickets, two adults, and I'll go tell the Colonel we'll be a day late." With an excited "yay!" from Alphonse, he left towards the phone box, putting Eastern Commands' number and giving his code. Damn security lines.

"Colonel Mustang."

"Hey, bastard, gonna be a day late, found Amestris World over here."

"Fullmetal, you know I gave this mission to you because you'd get it over and done with quickly."

"Yeah well my brother comes first, he wants to go and he'll make me feel bloody awful if I don't."

There was some small commotion over the phone before Roy sighed. "Alright, I'll let… whoever it was again;" Ed had to snort, trust the Colonel to forget, "that you got kidnapped by a horse or something."

"Yeah, that being _you." _Roy chuckled at the joke/jab (he wasn't really sure which) before he hung up. Satisfied, Ed ran towards Alphonse, who managed to get them both in with the price of forty sens.

"Thanks so much, brother!" Al's armour made a clinking noise as he nodded and tensed his fists in excitement.

Ed smiled, he was just glad his brother was happy and he was the one who put that on his… well in his eyes or whatever. "I'm just glad you're happy, Al. Now, we getting on those rides or what?"

Go on those rides they did, of course Ed demanded food first, this park had plenty of. He got candyfloss in the end whilst Al was spending time trying to hit a circle with balls. Somehow, he actually managed to win and get a toy, a cat one, of course, though he couldn't feel it, it was the closest to a pet cat he would get for a while. He'd savour it.

Edward did make a point to complain about the 'Haunted house that broke down for half an hour near the singing heads that drove him mad' (2) but Alphonse didn't have a problem, he was just so happy to feel like a child again, Ed was too though he chose not to show it, instead of being prodigies.

That was until they decided to try to ride the Rockstar Coaster.

"WHAT DO YOU MEAN I CAN'T RIDE!" This was an embarrassment to the coaster handler, who had to tell the volatile blond that he was _too short for the ride. _

"I'm sorry sir, you must be 5'3 to ride and you barely reach 5'0." He tried to explain, it was park rules. The blond would just slip through the harnesses and probably be killed, but the kid wasn't listening.

"WHO'RE YOU CALLING TOO SHORT TO SIT THROUGH A COASTER RIDE!" Ed was livid; he just wanted to ride the stupid thing! It even went upside down! It was great, he was looking forward to it, only to be told he was too… too… lacking in certain physical elements. It wasn't his fault!

"Brother, I don't think he said that." Alphonse was trying his best, but since the handler was being quite blunt about his height and adamant about not letting him in, it wasn't going so well.

"I'm sorry sir, but if I let you ride, you'd only slip through the harnesses meant for your safety, you could very well be injured, fatally even! I'm sorry, but it's park rules. If you don't reach the height of the arrow, I can't let you through."

"It's not my fault! I'm just a late bloomer! This is so… sizeist!" Alphonse shook his head as his brother made new words and every excuse to try to get on the ride. "C'mon! Just one ride! I'll go inside my brother's armour if I have to!"

"I'm sorry sir, but I can't let you in, rules are rules."

Whilst grumbling and stomping his feet, Edward left. Alphonse was left to clean up again. "I'm very sorry about my brother, sir! He's very sensitive about my height." He quickly followed Edward after, hugging the kitty toy close as if it were the real thing. "Brother?"

Edward turned to look at his brother, slightly annoyed but calming down. "I'm sorry, Al, he just pissed me off."

Al's head hung. "I'm sorry you couldn't get in the ride brother, but I'm glad you didn't try to sneak in." Ed's head shot up hearing that, surprised. Alphonse elaborated. "He said you'd slip through the harness, brother, you could've been hurt if you tried."

Ed understood, he smiled, closing his eyes and breaking into a grin. "Don't worry, Al, I'm not going to let any small thing bring me down before we get your body back." Opening his eyes, he held his hand up for a high five, which Alphonse, with happiness in his eyes, slapped lightly. "Let's go do Colonel's business and we can tell everyone in Eastern Command about what we did." With a happy nod, Alphonse quickly followed Edward, the kitty doll feeling very much at home in its owner's hands.

* * *

There we go, I hope it's good enough! ^^ I thought it was funny, anyway. *cough*

Hope you enjoyed and stay tuned for more! Remember, requests are still open! ^^  
~Blackie

Footnotes~

(1) This is the currency in Amestris, so says the Light Novels. I have no idea how to measure in sens, it's a real currency but it's SO OLD it's almost nonexistant anymore.

(2) Yup, this really happened to me in Disney Land (Paris, of course) we were stuck for half an hour and got let out via the fire exist. IT WAS SO ANNOYING.


	6. His Group of Fangirls

Fanfiction loves to delete the title I put for each fanfic everytime I put this author's notes line. PLEASE, FANFICTION, CAN YOU FIX THAT? It's very annoying, especially if my title is in another language! Much appreciated!

This was requested a while ago by Shadow-Night Hunter a while ago. She wanted to see Edward's reactions towards his fangirls, I'm assuming she meant to the ALL KINDS of fangirls. I've tried and this is what came out, I'm sorry if it's not what you were expecting, but my brain is sticking to this. Hope it's good enough for you!

OH REALLY? Fanfiction, you allow links to work with accounts now? That's what fanfiction here editing this document tells me! I wonder if it's telling the truth... that would be great if it does, I just wish I could post other links without leaving gaps everywhere, like livejournal and AFF for instance. Ah well, I can hope! Enjoy!

**Summary: Always trying to outprove his superior, Edward accepts the invitation to preforming alchemy in the alchemist convention. He really didn't expect how the fans would react. **

**Warning: fangirls, this shouldn't even be in the warnings. IT'S BLOODY OBVIOUS. Swearing and MAYBE VERY slight Parental!RoyEd or even them romantically, it really depends on your point of view, but I have to put it here before I get messages like "OMFG YOU MADE IT ROYED I H8 YOU FOREVZ!" **

**Please note DO NOT take any of this as EdWin, I despise it, but there is friendship between Edward and Winry here too, although vague.**

* * *

His Group of Fangirls

Pulling the curtain, Edward once again glanced down the stage to witness something horrifying. Hundreds upon thousands of people were outside, cheering loudly, so loudly it was hard to hear what the announcer was saying at times. These people were all here for one thing, just to see, for once, the Fullmetal Alchemist in the flesh and metal. He'd take the homunculi any day to avoid this kind of horror. Why, oh why did he have to agree to this?

Then he remembered. Damn his pride.

…

"_You want me to what?"_

_Roy sighed as he read out the, well, not _orders _but more a request. "It seems there's an alchemist convention somewhere just outside Central and they requested your presence. Apparently they want to see the People's Alchemist in the flesh, though I really don't see why. They won't miss much and I'm not quite sure they will see you."_

"_YOU CALLING ME SMALL AGAIN, YOU ARSEHOLE?" He couldn't help it, it was like his mind was subconscious to it now and he yelled at someone if they so much as mentioned height, even whilst he was asleep. Then he did a double take. "Wait, they want to see me in the flesh? Me? In the flesh?"_

_Mustang continued to watch the older Elric brother and grew increasingly worried as he watched the usual mischievous grin turn into a manic grin. The fact that it was aimed at _him _was the biggest cause for concern, for him and all the girls in Central who bow down to his graceful looks. "Fullmetal?"_

_Ed then proceeded to point at Roy Mustang with a glove covered metal finger, a glint of mischief and evil behind those golden eyes resembling the sun. Better yet, fire, for fire was deemed holy to angels for power and the pits of hell to spread like the plague and bring pain and suffocation of smoke. "Now I can really blow down that arrogant and omnipotent arse of yours right down! You see, Colonel? They asked for me, _me, The Fullmetal Alchemist, _and not you." He always wanted an excuse to show that Colonel up. It was like a game, a competition, to see who could beat the other. Neither had agreed or even announced it, but it was there always. The young spitfire was as fond of Mustang as the fire he used, but he refused to show it outwardly in the way most people expect. Instead, he plays games, flitting around and playing the games he wouldn't anyone else, because he'd be scared he'd burn them. "I'm going to that damn alchemist convention and I will show you just how you aren't as worshiped as you may think!"_

…

That's what lead him to being behind the red curtains, about to make himself look incredibly stupid in front of the population of Youswell times ten. Or a hundred, maybe.

"Having second thoughts, Fullmetal?" Edward glared at the fire hoarder. He was smirking, enjoying watching Fullmetal's dilemma. He always ran into things without thinking, now maybe he'll learn the consequences of doing such things.

"Oh stuff it, Colonel Bastard." _Oh my dear Truth, I'm gonna mess this up so bad. _"You hear that? They're cheering for me! They love me!" _They're going to think I'm just a damn brat after this! _"I'm gonna show you just how a master does it!" _He's going to take me to hospital, I just know it. _

Roy wasn't convinced. "You can always quit."

"No way! I'm going to do this." He was just as stubborn as the fire. With a final breath, he got into position ready to face the crowd of people waiting to see the People's Alchemist to preform something they consider a gift from Higher Up. He had it all prepared, _just go with what you prepare, imagine it's the State Alchemist exam, or to reinstate your State Alchemist title and you'll be fine. _He was extra supported by the fact that Alphonse would be right at the front, along with Winry. He had alchemized things for Winry a few times, he could do it again, it was no different if he could just ignore the _screaming. _

The curtain was drawn and Edward Elric was revealed the people, _his _people. All he had to do was impress them, impress them with what he does best, with alchemy. Keeping a poker face he had been practicing in the military, he waited for the screaming to die down. When nothing but a few coughs were heard, he brought his hands together to make a solid clap, which rang through the people's ears like a gong. Then he placed his hands to the floor, encasing the stage in a blue light of magic. In the place of solid wooden floor, was now a statue of himself, leaning against a metal (now wooden) set of armour that was his brother. He was definitely spending too much time in the military,_ you tend to love to show yourself about with what gang I was placed in. _

The crowd "ooh"'d and "aah"'d for a few moments longer, watching as the statue rose and took shape in the blue alchemical light, then a loud cheer sounded, causing the Elric to almost wince visibly.

"Oh my God, what a wonderful display!"

"That was truly a piece of magic!"

"I want to be able to do that when I'm older!" They were just some that were said, the bearable, real ego boosting applauses. Then there were the wince worthy ones.

"Edward Elric! We love you!"

"Please, let us brush your hair sometime!"

"Come save me when I'm trouble! Please!"

"I want to marry you! Marry me!" Were some people _really _like that? _Really? _Edward made a quick getaway to the back stage, back to his master, to escape the terrible fangirls in the front that were reaching out like zombies in a really bad horror film. Like they could grab his legs, bring him down to them and gang rape him!

"Did you enjoy being a celebrity for a few minutes?"

_I'm never doing anything like that again!_

Roy smirked. "I thought not."

* * *

Not the best but there we go. Again, this was requested by Shadow-Night Hunter so I hope you enjoyed it bro!

Got a request? Let me know! Tell me and I will write about it if I like the idea and post it and you will also get mentioned! *vain attempt to get requests trolol*

Drop a review or PM me if you have any requests, remember it can be about ANYTHING YOU LIKE.

**DO REMEMBER I DESPISE EDWIN SO ALL EDWIN REQUESTS WILL BE DENIED. EDVY REQUESTS WILL ALSO BE DENIED. ELRICEST, **uh... never really tried... good question. Depends if the plot is good. Drop a request and I'll let you know! ;D

~Blackie**  
**


	7. Update on updates stats on stories

Update on Updates!

Just to let you guys know, I have university coming soon and I'll have little spare time to be able to write. I never actually have a set schedule of when I write because I write as a hobby and refuse to force myself to write (otherwise I write a load of crap).

But I have news! I can try to let you in on how I'm doing on every story that is currently in progress! I've made a twitter, for the first time just FYI, and I'm going to be using that on mostly solely on my writing schedule. I'll try to update it at least twice a week, Friday and Tuesday perhaps, to let you know how every story is going.

So now you can stop bugging me here! Stalk me on twitter; the name is 'BlahstarBlackie'. Tweet me there and I will get to you ASAP.

Just to clarify, there will still be no schedule for when I update, but at least you'll have a better idea now of what I'm working on and when to expect them (only going to be estimated time because my sister might suddenly get run over by a lorry or something.)

Current story statistics are as follows, for those wondering;

Celestial Academy: Not started the new chapter yet, but I think I'm going to write down Amaterasu and Waka's first date! Tweet me with ideas, if you like, or pm me for a long message.

Chimaera Program: Want to finish the new chapter of Rebirthing before I write this. I've got the ideas all ready to write. There will be warnings on this; it's not going to be pretty or sexy.

Edward's Reactions: I nearly forgot about this. I want to attempt a chapter related to reddit in some way, because I'm hooked on that right now.

Englande Wil Falle: Need some serious help and ideas for this. My mind suddenly decided it didn't like it, so I'll be researching demonology on Wikipedia and maybe in the Demonata series too.

Moon Tribe's Past: Have decided not to include Okamiden characters and will continue on the path I've already made, ignoring everything that has happened in Okamiden. Not started.

Rebirthing: 55% done! Nearly four thousand words are currently written and I'm hoping to get this finished next week!

Vampire Prince: 10% I've got about a thousand words written, it is not forgotten! I'm still uncertain about whether to add the werewolf again or not. I haven't had enough votes to be certain. Twilight people; please tweet me or pm me on whether I should add the werewolf or not!

**DON'T REVIEW THIS AS THIS WILL BE REMOVED WHEN THE NEXT CHAPTER COMES OUT. IF YOU HAVE A QUESTION OR ANY IDEAS TO HELP ME OUT, PLEASE EITHER TWEET ME 'BlahstarBlackie' OR PM ME WITH YOUR QUESTIONS AND IDEAS.**

Thank you and hope to get the next chapter of this done soon!  
~Blackie


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